I fail

with making a blog a day, I get behind too much. Also Im feeling better than ive been the last week and a half, hopefully I can work out again without pulling a muscle this time.

What a weekend

So I haven't posted over the weekend or a lot for that matter lately. My stomach and back pain seem to be easing up, but at the same time still bother me to the point where I need to lay down and simply not move. Tomorrow Ill be going to the doctor again to get some newfound knowledge on what could be wrong with me. All I know is this sickness is brutal, im falling behind in school because I haven't been able to work in the art building due to me being so sick I cant even move. Spring break is coming up, not this week but the week after and I am praying that I will catch up completely on everything. Unlike most people I use spring breaks as time to catch up on all my work rather than to goof off. Yeah Im lame, 4 years in college and I never went anywhere or did anything for spring break, I blame small hick town Tennessee. Now I am doing whatever I can do now and being as productive as possible. At the same time I have been watching a lot of old classic movies lately and Im really shocked at how damn good old movies are, I have a new obsession. I long for the days when I can be a handsome sophisticated gentleman. Rear Window, Some Like it Hot, A Clockwork Orange, Dr Stranglelove, Taxi Driver,and soon to be many many others. Its been great watching these classics and soon to be others, I feel it gives me more to talk about and hopefully I can convince some ladies of my class and get them to watch some with me. Well I guess Ill get back to work now, hopefully my illness passes soon.

The last time

Just to mark it, Feb 26 2010, the last day Ill get a haircut as low as ive gotten it today, FOREVER. I have decided short hair is just not for me, some people like it, but I feel I am much more confident when I have long curly hair. So yeah this has been marked.

Ugh

Being sick is the worst. Since Tuesday I have been battling an illness thats been killing my stomach and back with bad pain. I have some medicine that im taking, but so far its just been a temporary ease for the pain and it doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon. This sucks because I am terribly behind on all my work in my classes at the moment. I have a book due Monday I haven't even started on yet, I have a design identity package due next Thursday, an artist statement Tuesday, a presentation Thursday, and not to mention all the work that I am doing for my contract for the semester. Its a lot, its killing me, and it sucks being sick. Another thing I haven't been able to do is work out in the morning, I haven't worked out since Sunday and already can see myself chubbying up again slightly. When I finally feel better I am just going to work out for an entire day, lol. So yeah the last thing I am mad about is why I still haven't gotten a girlfriend yet. Its so easy for a girl to do it, all she has to do is say she likes a guy and the guy falls for her easily, a guy says he wants a girl and it takes a trial and error process of 6000 years in order to get her to agree. Its bullshit, I hate this logic, and as much as it pains me to say this I wish girls were just easy.

Getting Behind

So lately ive been getting behind on my workout in the morning routine and my homework for the semester because of my sickness. Its been really depressing and I just want it gone, thankfully tomorrow I am going to the doctor and I can get this issue resolved hopefully. Ill post what my plague is when I find out, for now Im just going to sleep as best as I can.

Imput from the people

Today was a boring average day, Im still sick in the stomach and back but it was off and on today, the best part of the day was my facebook status update that ended up with 38 comments. Im definitely saving that one simply because I want to look back at it and laugh. Short one today since im not feeling well, i hope to be back in the swing of things by tomorrow or Wednesday.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?v=feed&story_fbid=227914774977&id=63705298

Sunday by Nuage....not really

The first thing I think of when its Sunday, great song and probably the only one I can stomach by her to be honest. Anyway long story short, pretty smooth day, it was nice outside again I got a little bit of homework done, thats it. Except for one big thing, my stomach and back have been killing me like crazy again. I feel like Im on my period or something which is bad because Im a guy. I dunno if my work outs are bothering me, or something I ate or whatever. All I know is that this shit needs to stop, its been happening almost everyday since I started working back out in the mornings. Ill take a break and not do as much tomorrow morning, and if I still get the pain then its something else. Regardless the day went well, I found a lot of new music that is pretty kickass and look forward to getting more.

Where have you been?

So today I believe marks the first time that warm sunny weather has descended upon us in a long time. It was an absolutely beautiful day from the little bit I felt when I was outside. Ive been indoors all day being productive so I didn't get the full experience, but this just lets me know that freaking spring is getting closer and closer. Spring is a glorious time of the year and I can't wait for it to get here. Short today, mainly been a boring Saturday, I got some hair mousse, some shades, and will be spending all night in the art building doing work. No drinking tonight, thank goodness or else I would be completely broke. I also need to start up my business of selling my property to make some extra green on the side, I have a lot of valuable goods. Hopefully tomorrow will go just as easy as today.

Gotta love em

Friends, they are awesome. My friends I have made in college have been fantastic and I am extremely blessed to have them. First off, hanging out with them daily is always a treat, but when a lot of us gather and have a good time its always a joy. So for the first time today I had a milkshake from steak and shake, it was simply amazing. I mention this because I went hiking with 3 of my good friends after we got half price shakes. It was an awesome hike, I enjoyed the scenery, the mud not so much, and liked it overall. The trip back and forth in my friends car was also some of the funniest moments I have ever experienced. At times I was almost dying of laughter, I love my friend Markus, despite all the hateful things his brother says he is an awesome guy and I love having him around. After we get done with that venture we split ways and Markus and I decide to go play some games with our other friends. They play Street Fighter for a bit, I decide to sit it out and take a nap, when I wake up its to Markus's brother bashing him and getting pissy for losing at games. Markus's brother lately has been acting spoiled rotten and selfish, not to mention greedy which is sad because he is almost 24 and still acts like he is 7. Ok after all that he finally leaves, despite us being in his room lol, and we play some Smash Bros Brawl for a bit, it was a hacked version that actually makes the game a lot more balanced and I enjoyed it a lot. I love mr game and watch in it, he is badass. Overall the only thing I regret today is my social life, besides my friends I really kind of have no life, I dont party or go out often Im just kind of around in the shadows alone. Oh well maybe thats for me I guess.

Man what a day

So today at first started going off slow. It was the normal Tuesday/Thursday grind of Senior thesis, followed by design center(yawn), and finally graphic design(yay kinda). However today I felt for some reason more like a man and an artist than I have ever felt before. For one I will say that today it felt freaking fantastic outside, after weeks of cloudiness and non stop snow today was a breath of fresh air. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, and while it wasn't warm it was better than it had been and reminded me of why I love spring. For some reason I have been getting more female attention lately ever since I burned my list in that last blog. I dunno what it is, but I like it, even if I am completely oblivious to when a girl is flirting with me. Also I must say that I feel like a real artist and not just a student now, hanging out with studio art people is awesome. They are all real down to Earth and out there at the same time, and just cool people who enjoy themselves and art. I gotta say I am not a typical uptight graphic designer, I am laid back and while I love my technology I can get down with the nature talk. Well thats all I will say, just today rocked and I want the rest of the semester to go down like today.....EXCEPT for one thing. My back was killing me all damn day and it pissed me off, it was an awful pain, but its gone now so all is good.

So some new enlightenment

So the previous days before after complaining about my luck with women and how this is a new beginning I am thrown into some interesting situations. The first involves a girl I knew that I just met randomly one day. I see her walking, note I am just hanging with my friends and she would have just walked by, anyway I see her and say her name and she stops. She walks over beside me we chat and then she says she has like time to kill while waiting for someone(her roommate) and I say cool and we part ways. Now at this point 4 of my friends are looking at me with awe, and Im wondering what the problem is. Apparently when she said that I was supposed to say hey wanna hang out while you wait, because if she wasn't interested she would not have A. Told me that she was waiting and was bored, and B. Would have came over to where I was in my personal spot. So yeah im kind of oblivious to things. Case 2, I see a girl who I noticed kind of stared and smiled at me twice while I walked by, so I stop and try to talk to her, I get her name and whatnot and then she explains to me what she is working on. So I figured she was busy and didn't want to be bothered since she said she wouldn't be able to pay attention to me there too much, so I said goodbye and left. Apparently when I told this story that meant I was supposed to stay and keep her company, doh, strike 2 and only in the last 30 mins. Note I am oblivious, Im new to this, I dont know what girls are thinking or body language or flirting, all this is foreign territory to me. Strike 3, I am in the art building waiting for a girl I know who is a friend of my crush for the last 2 years, so I meet up with her and we talk, I walk her to her car and then we start conversing, and at that point she asks me to accompany her to get some gas. So we go to the gas station, all while having awkward conversation in the car, at least for me it was, and then after we rode around for a bit and talked I head out and she tells me if I ever want to hang out or if Im bored to call her and she would pick me up or we could meet or whatever. So at this point apparently thats a hint that she might be interested even though she clearly said she was interested in another guy, who when explained seemed like a mooching ass. SO yeah today was interesting and its not over yet, I still am going back out, Ill update this if anything significant happens. I need a crash course in women because after getting courage to talk to them I don't know where to go next.

Molding Me

So today I finally finished my first ever performance art/installation piece known as Molding Me. The series began when my roommate told me if I really believe me not getting girls has to do with my looks then I should ask around and see if thats really the case. So I go out and ask girls I know, and even some I had never talked to before what I could do to improve myself physically. I got a lot of responses that were reoccurring, some that people completely disagreed with, and some that were just really unusual. In the end I learned a valuable lesson, and that is that I should never do that again because it was a humiliating piece that made me seem desperate and pathetic. However I did it in the name of art. The piece Molding Me consists of a video of me burning all the notes with some faint music in the background, all my research typed up on display, a bag containing the ashes of the notes, and the lighter I used to burn it. I also wanted to include a professional sexy pic of myself with the text call me on it but that might have been a bit much, lol.

My rant from awhile ago

The Beacon, ready to shine enlightenment into this world of darkness. The Beacon, ready to shine light in the darkness. The Beacon, ready to show people the errors of their ways, and show them the true path of righteousness. The Beacon, the Revolutionary, the Scarab Lord, the Guild Master, the Shaman, the last Hope, Marco, quite simply.

What if aliens did exist? What if they could be like humans just like the rest of the people on this planet, but with some minor key differences? Would people judge you for liking an alien even if they were still human? What would it matter? To you they are just another person, what if those aliens actually were responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people? Would you defend that person? To you they aren't responsible for what others do, so why should they be judged. That is what Eureka Seven has told me, its a damn good anime, one that I will never forget, I am taking the lessons it has taught me to the grave. Have fun over your break.

Sigh, I am a revolutionary. I must work to cleanse the evil world we live in. Our generation is the most important one, we have the power to change the world, and as cliche as that sounds its the damned truth. These old people in their ways have lived their lives, but are done, we need to make the world better, or else we haven't learned anything at all ourselves. I really can't wait until I graduate, Im tired of being here, I want to go live somewhere else, but at the same time I want to be an international vigilante that causes uprisings of revolution around the world and makes change happen by force. A figure that people look up to and say, wow he really loves the human race as a whole, and will fight for the equal rights of all mankind. I want to travel and do this, and then I want to be assassinated, or at least a fake assassination, then come back and continue on my work as if nothing happened. A figure that strikes fear into the hearts of ignorant radicals afraid of change, because they know its coming and will not be stopped at all, and the only thing they can do is rot away the rest of their sad cold days alone. This is my vision and I would give anything to make it a reality, except my life, I gotta live to see it all.

Thank you, Eureka Seven, the anime that first struck up our first conversation. An anime that I had been waiting to finish for years. Now I am finally done with it and must say that I am glad that I took interest in it years ago, or else I would have never known anyone like I do today. Thank you Jordan, it is now my favorite anime of all time, it taught and showed me a lot. It made me cry, it made me cheer, it made me think more than I had ever thought before. Humans are truly foolish creatures, we have to co exist together, and it won't do us any good fighting, or hating each other. We only have this world and each other, the guild is a good showing of the grouping together of many different people like the Gekko State, we are showing what we want the future to be like. A future where we can all be together no matter our physical differences, no matter our different interests, no matter where we came from. Thank you Jordan for everything.

Oh well, gotta make the best of what we have. We simply cannot let people judge us for our beliefs, we must do what we feel is the right thing to do in this world. Make the best of every situation so that you have no regrets. Who wants to regret something for the rest of their life? Not me thats for sure, i want to know that i gave it everything I had, all the time.

4 years and nothing to show for it?

Well I say that is not going to happen on my watch. Being in college is supposed to be the best years of your life, and I must say I can agree with that, except for ONE THING, that is trying to get a girl. You out there may say its easier than you know what, others might be in the same boat, or even more worse than I am. I consider myself a very attractive guy, one who requires some maintenance in the morning, but once I get going I feel I can be a looker. So why am I saying all this? Well quite simply it doesn't matter how good you look, yes looks are a key part in getting a girls attention, girls like a good looking man. However one issue, you still have to go up to the girl and talk to her, and that is where I come to a halting stop. For some reason I just don't have it in me to do that, for fear of rejection, they have a boyfriend, or some other factor that I might not even know about that could come from it. For my whole life I have dealt with this, I know a lot of girls, they are all taken, the non taken ones aren't attractive, inside or out at times, and are kind of odd in the head since I hang out with very different people. I don't consider myself any stereotype except for maybe an art student, but even then I am the typical hippie/tattoo covered starting art student who smokes 4 packs a day. So why am I babbling on like this for no reason whatsoever? Well quite simply this is to mark the last time I am going to deal with this, from this date forward starting Wednesday(Cant be tomorrow Im in class all day) I am undergoing one of the last series of transformations before I am unleashed in the real world where it might be harder or easier, I have no idea! All I know is that I refuse to keep excepting failure when it comes to women, everyone deserves someone and I believe that I deserve the very best and CAN get the very best. I am 21, I recently just started being a social drinker with friends and more outgoing, I feel this is all going in the right direction for breaking me out of my shy mold. While I will still retain some of the shyness I know that it will slowly go away little by little. SO mark my words on this day Feb 15 2010, Marco Antionio Lamar will no longer deal with the same issues he has had his whole life with women. He is going out and he will be a champion!